My brain went so fast and showed things so vividly, I often forgot where I was, how much time had passed or what was said to me moments before.
My brain could get so loud, that people would call my name while next to me numerous times and I couldn’t hear them. Sometimes I would think I was answering but I would eventually clue in that I was responding in my head! Meanwhile, I wouldn’t even notice that the person would be frustrated waiting for me. I wouldn’t be able to tell you how long they had waited for me in the first place.
My lack of focus and attention often meant that I missed key pieces of information too. This led to me having to ask to get something repeated or risk doing the tasks and getting something wrong.
Looking back, I often annoyed the people around me with forgetting information, not appearing like I was listening, or misunderstanding directions and social cues, but I never understood exactly what it was I did. I never remembered what I said or the sequence of events that would eventually lead to me not meeting someone’s expectations.
My brain latched onto these situations, constantly debating them, reminding me of all the people who grew tired of me or I had let down, the tasks I’d messed up, and the meltdowns I’d had. These stories became how I defined myself. If these things kept occuring and I couldn’t stop them from happening, then I felt that I was the problem.