I remember always being very self-judgmental and kind of a perfectionist. I know now that a lot of that comes from the ADHD, but not knowing how to handle that self-judgement led to increasing anxiety.
By the time I was diagnosed with depression, I was caught up in a vicious cycle of negativity that wouldn’t let me get better.
The message I want to leave you with this month is: Despite the struggles and suffering you may be going through, you have the choice to not let them make you a victim, always choose to be the hero of your own story.
If you are at a point in life where you are having a rough time, or haven’t achieved positive mental health, I’m sure this article will help you with self-acceptance, self-love and having a sense of purpose.
There are situations that just happen to us as a part of life, and there are other situations that are intended to cause an effect on us; for the last kind we can use the terms prosocial and antisocial behavior.
Prosocial and Antisocial Behavior
Prosocial behavior is defined as voluntary behavior intended to benefit another, it refers to a range of positive behaviors including positive interactions, altruism, and behaviors that reduce stereotypes.
It is characterized by acts of kindness, fairness, compassion, trustworthiness, peaceful conflict resolutions and helping behaviors, which helps maintain positive relationships and many consider to be one of the finest qualities of human nature. Empathy is considered as the emotion that provides the foundation for prosocial behavior development.
On the contrary, antisocial behavior can be conceptualized as any conduct that is hostile to the well-being of an individual, group, system, or society. It is characterized by acts intended to harm or disadvantage another individual, and can negatively affect the well-being of others.
In other terms, prosocial behavior implies bearing costs in order to improve the well-being of others and, on the contrary, antisocial behavior implies improving one’s own well-being at the expense of a third party.
Development
Any group or society heavily depends on the willingness of its members to help others in need, to contribute to a common good, to show themselves worthy of trust, and to be fair and considerate. While this is widely recognized, it is less obvious what makes people behave prosocially in one situation and antisocially in another.
Young children mainly base their moral behavior on their consequences (if a behavior is punished it is judged to be bad). Later, children tend to evaluate adherence to social rules and norms as morally good, without questioning the legitimacy of such rules. It is until late adolescence that people are able to base their moral judgment and behavior on abstract ethical rules.
The Effects of Antisocial Behavior
Antisocial behavior can be seen everywhere, even walking on the street when you say good morning to someone and that person ignores you and says nothing back; or driving on the road when someone is driving fast and cutting people off. In this article I will focus on antisocial behavior at work (mobbing), since it is where people usually spend the most part of the day, apart from home.
“Antisocial behavior may appear subtle, but its effects are not.”
Based on the examples on the last paragraph, ignoring someone and executing actions that may harm others are considered antisocial activities. Anjum referred to them as ostracism and incivility, respectively; which cause emotional exhaustion, a phenomenon that has serious ramifications.
Being ostracized (situations of exclusionary behavior, being ignored at work) can adversely affect the targets’ psychological health and well-being.
It has been found to be linked to anxiety, depression, sadness, hurt feelings, stress, poor self-control, lower self-esteem, and decreased levels of relatedness and emotional energy.
Being ostracized is psychologically painful to such an extent that it can even lead the targets to feel less human.
In other words, the target’s social contacts, which serve as a means of sharing thoughts, emotions and feelings, are cut in cases of ostracism. Which results in their need for sharing emotions remaining unmet, leaving the target feeling helpless, distraught, and emotionally exhausted.
As for incivility, a large majority of researchers also agree that being berated or belittled by others can emotionally exhaust the targets. Targets have to expend extra effort and considerable resources (emotional and cognitive) to deal with such conduct, which is emotionally demanding, and may also lead them to feel emotionally exhausted.
It’s been demonstrated that small acts of rudeness and derision can lead on to a wide array of negative affective outcomes such as psychological distress, negative emotions, end-of-work negative affect, sadness, fear, guilt, and deteriorated mental-health.
Self-Compassion
“Your living is determined not so much by what life brings to you, but by the attitude you bring to life; not so much by what happens to you, but by the way your mind looks at what happens.”
― Kahlil Gibran
Reaffirming the quote above, research has shown that self-compassion helps people suffer less from adversities. The self-compassion construct was conceptualized by Buddhist psychology as a positive/healthy self-attitude.
Self-compassion consists of three components:
The first component entails being kind and understanding towards oneself (self-kindness) rather than being self critical and harsh (self-judgement).
The second one implies recognizing that hardships are common human experiences (common humanity) rather than something that separates or isolates one from others (isolation).
And the third dimension, implicates holding painful thoughts and feelings in balanced awareness, without suppressing and/or exaggerating them (over-identification).
Self-compassion has been found to be positively correlated with markers of emotional and subjective well-being (optimism, happiness, positive affect, and life satisfaction), and negatively correlated with markers of negative affection (anxiety, depression, worry, rumination, and stress).
Self-compassionate individuals, when faced with uncivil and exclusionary behaviors, will treat themselves kindly, recognize such instances as common experiences, and will not get carried away with the ensuing negative feelings and emotions; and thus be less emotionally exhausted.
On the contrary, self-coldness (self-judgement, isolation and over-identification), lack of forgiveness and maladaptive perfectionism (setting unrealistic standards, overreacting when not reaching such standards, and needing always to be in control) are positively correlated with depression.
Self-Therapy
In order to reduce antisocial behavior’s negative effects, people must develop emotional control capabilities, and should pay special attention to taking care of themselves.
Practicing self-compassion is mindfully accepting that the moment is painful, and embracing it with kindness and care, remembering that imperfection is part of the shared human experience. This will lead to the support and comfort needed to bear the pain, while providing the optimal conditions for growth and transformation.
Regarding work related strain, it’s been seen to be reduced when thriving outside of work in evenings or at weekends, and spending time with friends and family.
Some examples for practicing self-compassion are: Treating yourself as you would treat a suffering friend, accepting the aspects of yourself that make you feel insecure, being self-critical in a more friendly way, being encouraging and supporting with yourself, and caring and nurturing yourself.
Treatment Goals
For medical professionals, a patient’s decision to get treatment or not should always be decided by their freewill; once the patient makes a decision, treatment can’t be forced upon nor denied.
Whatever treatment or therapy you are receiving right now, I encourage you to always practice self-compassion. As a neurodivergent and a medical professional, the most important thing is that you don’t put your life at risk.
Thereafter, assure that you feel happy pursuing personal growth through self-acceptance and positive relations, and that you can cope with the normal stresses of life, work productively and fruitfully, and be able to make a contribution to your community.
In simple words, having positive mental health.
Aline is a medical professional in her third year general surgery residency while living with ADHD, depression, and anxiety.
References
o Anjum, M., Liang, D., Durrani, D., & Parvez, A. (2020). Workplace mistreatment and emotional exhaustion: The interaction effects of self-compassion. Current Psychology. https://doi.org/10.1007/s12144-020-00673-9
o Fetchenhauer, D., Flache, A., Buunk, B., & Lindenberg, S. (2006). Solidarity and prosocial behavior: An Integration of Sociological and Psychological Perspectives.. Springer Science+Business Media, Inc.
o Neff, K. (2020). Self-Compassion Exercises by Dr. Kristin Neff. Self-Compassion. Retrieved 12 March 2020, from https://self-compassion.org/category/exercises/.
o Smeets, E., Neff, K., Alberts, H., & Peters, M. (2014). Meeting Suffering With Kindness: Effects of a Brief Self-Compassion Intervention for Female College Students. Journal Of Clinical Psychology, 70(9), 794-807. https://doi.org/10.1002/jclp.22076
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