For 8 years, doctors and case workers told me to just accept the fact that nor I, nor my life, would get any better. At that time, I was incredibly sick. For years my bipolar was totally uncontrollable. I also had agoraphobia (anxiety in crowded places). I went through a period with a hash addiction, I treated myself really badly. I was wrongly medicated for some of the time and the rest I was over medicated. Many bad things happened to me and I guess I just let them. I did not feel that I was worth otherwise.
During those years I believed the doctors and case workers. What did I know, right!? They were the professionals, therefore, I believed them.Until one day, the head doctor of the psychiatric hospital I’d been staying at for about a month, told me that my life could get better and so could I. She gave me hope, by believing in me. I decided to believe that and I’ve kept that mindset since. For 7 years! This has been the reason that my health has improved. I have way longer stabile periods and when the depressions come sneaking back, 99% of the time I know how to stop them before they go bananas. Plus, I haven’t been manic for 2 years. I was a bit depressed for a few weeks this summer and then I went through 1 month of mild, mixed episodes, but before that I hadn’t had any long sick periods for some years. Only a few moderately depressed days here and there. That improvement in my mental illness is a huge accomplishment!
My point being, believing that I can get better and have more control over my bipolar comes from hope, dreams and making plans for my future. It comes from believing in myself, no matter what others think of me, from becoming ambitious. I have two goals; the first one is to one day soon, become so stable that I can get a (flex) job and be able to work as much as it is possible. This is my main and biggest goal which I’m fighting the hardest for. The second goal, is to within the next 10 years do public speaking. The audience being people who suffer as much with their mental health as I did 7 years ago and are being told that this is the life they will just have to accept.