Why you might want to schedule some self-care bodywork over the holidays—Even if you think you don’t like body work!
And some tips for how to get what you actually need and want as a neurodivergent person.
‘Tis the season for self-care listicles aimed at helping us get through the often stressful, anxiety-and-depression-inducing, sensory-overstimulating holiday season. But you can only drink so many cups of hot tea, right? Those lists always include a “day at the spa” too, don’t they?
As a neurodivergent massage therapist, I’d like to make the case that body work can be a really effective way to deal with stress and anxiety and overstimulation.
And I know for a lot of neurodivergent folks, the thought of a day at a spa might be kind of a nightmare—so many strangers to interact with, so many social rituals around tipping, understanding the lingo, so much upselling, choices, decisions, all the smells, sounds, lights, —just so much stimulation! And I know for a lot of folks the thought of taking your clothes off and being touched by a complete stranger is anything but relaxing!
Why on earth would you ever want to do that?
Bring me another cup of hot tea, please!
Well, as a neurodivergent massage therapist, I’d like to make the case that body work can be a really effective way to deal with stress and anxiety and overstimulation.
Our mental health challenges almost always manifest as physical symptoms in our body thanks to our sympathetic nervous system, which floods our bodies with hormones in stressful situations that prepare us physically to “fight or flee”.
Our breathing quickens, pumping oxygen to the brain, all of your senses go on high alert, and extra glucose gets released into your bloodstream, preparing muscles to react quickly and with optimum strength. You may feel queazy, because your body starts to shut down your digestive tract (which requires an enormous amount of energy) and redirects that energy to your muscles so they can run fast or fight hard.
Once the sympathetic nervous system sets in motion this involuntary response to stress and perceived danger, it does not have built-in mechanisms to bring the body back into balance. Instead, stimulation of the parasympathetic nervous system brings about a “rest and digest” response— your heart rate slows, and your nervous system signals that your brain can send energy back to your digestive tract. The “rest and digest” response is the opposite of “fight or flight” —the parasympathetic nervous system signals to your body that it is safe, and it no longer needs to conserve energy to keep you on high alert to detect and fight off or flee danger.
We are not meant to have constantly activated sympathetic nervous systems, but many neurodivergent neurotypes are easily activated by the extra sensory stimulation the holidays often bring.
There are many techniques that can activate your parasympathetic nervous system, including most mindfulness techniques such as meditation, chanting, yoga, deep breathing—and yes, massage!
So, in the midst of all that sensory stimulation, like a heavy foot on a car accelerator, your sympathetic nervous system becomes highly activated and creates a whole host of unpleasant physical symptoms and sensation in your body—there really is no separating mind and body, mental health and physical health. In order to relieve some of the unpleasant sensations of anxiety and stress, you need to activate your parasympathetic nervous system, which acts sort of like the brakes, slowing things down to a comfortable pace. There are many techniques that can activate your parasympathetic nervous system, including most mindfulness techniques such as meditation, chanting, yoga, deep breathing—and yes, massage!
Of course, if you don’t like being touched, or getting naked, a traditional massage is probably not going to put you into a parasympathetic state! But there are a couple of alternatives:
First of all, traditional table massage:
Sometimes known as Swedish massage, what you expect to get in a spa, is normally performed with the client undressed to their comfort level—but rest assured, the client is always fully draped with a sheet and/or blanket, and the massage therapist will make sure you never feel uncomfortably exposed.
Second of all, you don’t have to take your clothes off!
There are some massage techniques that the therapist won’t be able to do if you are clothed, but there are plenty of techniques that feel good and can help induce a parasympathetic state with all your clothes on. These techniques include compression and slow, broad pressure that can feel sort of like a weighted blanket.
In fact, there are entire modalities of massage that are performed fully clothed. For example, Thai massage is an incredibly relaxing modality that is performed with the client fully dressed, lying on mats on the floor. It is not primarily a skin-to-skin type of massage, and generally speaking no oil or lotion is used—I think of it as sort of assisted yoga, with lots of stretching, traction ,guided breathing, and compression.
Another form of bodywork that can feel extremely nurturing and relaxing is called Trager. Trager bodywork is aimed at fostering a sense of mind-body integration and wholeness and is sometimes called Psychophysical Integration.
Both Thai and Trager bodywork require specialized training, and are not something you can ask for from any massage therapist.
But a licensed massage therapist is going to be not only willing but *eager* to accommodate any needs you have, and communicating up front with a practitioner about your specific goals and needs and quirks will be really helpful to allow the practitioner time to prepare a session designed especially for you.
A few thoughts about finding a bodyworker: On the whole, I would actually avoid spas and the massage franchises, not because those practitioners are not skilled–many are very skilled, but because they are mostly being exploited, generally getting paid about a third of what you pay for your services. They are also working under factory-like conditions, with very little time between clients which means that they won’t have much time to talk to you about accommodations.
“Let your practitioner know if you have sensitivities to smell, or any specific likes or dislikes when it comes to music and ambient sounds.”
Your best bet is always a practitioner who works on their own, or in a smaller, independent studio. The practitioner will often email you an intake form to get any relevant medical history, and this is a good opportunity to explain what you are looking for in a bodywork session. It’s also a good time to let your practitioner know if you have sensitivities to smell, or any specific likes or dislikes when it comes to music and ambient sounds.
Most body work practitioners are really dedicated to their clients’ well-being, and communication is the key. Many of them are familiar with mental health issues and are open-minded people who are eager to learn more about how their services can be beneficial to a wider audience. Every bodyworker I know—and I know a lot of them—would be thrilled to tailor their sessions to the needs of neurodivergent people!
If the holidays are stressing you out more than usual, and your nervous system is in a perpetual state of sympathetic activation, I encourage you to consider adding bodywork to your repertoire of self-care practices.
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