My family often uses humor to cope with otherwise overwhelming situations. Dad’s mad your chores aren’t done – pull your best exasperated cartoon faces behind his back. The cat puked in your backpack – dramatically scream ‘Por que, Maria!’ at the top of your lungs (It’s a long story and, no, the cat was not named Maria.). As an adult, I spend a lot of my working time in serious situations doing crisis intervention or attempting to defuse severe family conflict.
“There are times when seriousness is the only appropriate response. However, a well-placed funny face or sarcastic comment has also helped redirect even the tensest family interaction or most over-the-top toddler meltdown.”
It is not easy to stay positive in a crisis situation, not to mention stay funny. How do you know it is even OK to say or do something funny at such a time? I won’t lie, there have been co-workers and supervisors who sometimes felt I was making light of a situation. The most important thing is making sure that those people actually experiencing the crisis feel heard and respected. Always validate first. Use your words, tone, body language, and/or eye contact to show that you are trying your best to understand them. Then rephrase what they have said while matching a less escalated version of their affect or mood. So if they are very sad and crying, then you can show that with your facial expression and posture but you do not need to start chopping onions and force yourself to tear up. Finally, empathize with them. Acknowledge that what they are going through is hard and let them know they are handling it well. Normalize their experience by sharing a similar one. AFTER THAT consider defusing the situation with humor.
Feel free to use one of these tried and true distraction techniques from my distraction handbook that up to this point has only existed in my head. Not all of these are age-appropriate for all ages but adults can enjoy silliness, too!
1. Make silly faces. My go-to is puff my cheeks out like a blowfish and cross my eyes.
2. Sing a song. I worked with a young boy who loved when I sang the ’70s and ’80s hits horribly off-key (because that is actually how I sing).
3. Dance. Badly.
4. Exercise. I once worked with a little girl who thought it was hilarious when I did jumping jacks. If you get others involved, they can burn off excess energy doing exercise, running, or walking.
5. Cheat. This only works if what folks are upset about is a game but I often play games with families who are often upset about said game. Common scenario… Child: *cheats* Sibling: HEY YOU’RE CHEATING. Parent: WE DO NOT CHEAT IN THIS HOUSE. Child: Rules are stupid. Me: OK, let’s just all play without rules. Then it’s not cheating, right? Also me: *takes cheating to a crazy extreme until the child wants to use rules again*
6. Use props. A fellow clinician once randomly began straightening her hair at a teen’s nearby vanity to distract her and her mother from continuing an argument. Both the teen and mom were laughing too much to fight!
7. Flips and spins. A favorite of dads everywhere… pick up a small child and spin them around or flip them upside down. Young kids, especially Autistic children, tend to enjoy this type of proprioceptive input. Obviously, this should be a child that is comfortable with both you and physical contact.
8. Do something fun. Instead of engaging in conflict or ‘meltdowns,’ quietly start coloring, playing a game, or do some other preferred activity of the child or family in their field of vision. They are likely to join.
9. Roleplay. Channel your inner angsty teen if yours starts to give you attitude. This can be a good technique for a teen that is prone to irritability and ‘pouting’ but not explosive or aggressive behavior. For a young child who is learning to be more independent, pretend that you forgot how to ties shoes, clean up toys, etc. and have them show you.
10. Seemingly random metaphors. Alternatively, channel your inner Yoda. A coworker of mine worked with a dad who was really fantastic at using his child’s ADHD to their advantage. For example, the child once went off-topic in a family session by talking about rainbow unicorns. The dad joined in and eventually likened the child to a unicorn. This helped them return to the conversation about the child’s challenges with trust and self-esteem.
