I have ADHD. People with ADHD often also suffer from depression and anxiety brought on by years of always working harder than others for what often seems like less, or being chastised for being “spacey, forgetful, clumsy, weird, glum,” you name it. So most days in my life are usually shades of grey and sometimes dark as the interior of a mine. Some days can be joy-filled, but some have me questioning my existence — not in a leave the planet way, but in a why am I here and why bother way.
Days are complicated by the inability to measure time. I always run late, though not as late as my mother who sometimes rolls in an hour or two late to events or 15–30 minutes late to appointments. I’m usually not more than 10 minutes late to most things, but I’m still late.
I also have no working memory. None. I can’t remember what people tell me seconds after they say it. My feelings are easily hurt and my emotions most often go unchecked — especially if I’m not on my anti-depressant.
“This is how my brain works and, now matter how hard I’ve tried to correct these behaviors, nothing changes. It’s frustrating and demoralizing. I often hate that I’m not “better” at these and other things. I envy people who seem to float through life effortlessly. I struggle every. damn. day.”
I could go on and on about challenges ADHDers face, but that can be boring. So let’s look at the diamonds that reside in the dark mine that is my neurodiverse brain.
I am extremely impulsive which has offered me opportunities to gallop horses bareback and jump those same beasts over five foot fences, I easily jump off of roofs, climb large chain link fences, ride dirt bikes, roller coasters, zip line, sky dive, surf, swim with dolphins and sting rays, snorkel with barracudas, and traverse third world countries with ease. I’ll get in a car and drive over 100 mph because I can, consequences be damned.
“Neurotypical people don’t usually understand the freedom that comes with untethered impulsivity. They can’t comprehend seeking a large dopamine upload because they get regular normal doses and find joy and thrills in much simpler things.”
They have also told me they envy my “bravery” or swear they would never do “something like that.”
Another diamond in the mine is my ability to scan extreme amounts of information, organize it quickly and problem solve it efficiently and effectively. As a result, I’m an expert at building brand platforms, I find efficiencies and values-oriented strategies for business owners, and am an expert in helping people identify personal issues and work to help them find solutions.
“My brain allows me a lot of victories, successes big and small and a lot of disappointments. But overall, I wouldn’t change it for the world. Give up honesty, integrity, a huge heart, a loving spirit and an overall joy for life and people? Give up my ability to do what others deem impossible? Nope. Never.”
Today, if you’re struggling with your diagnosis or wonder why you aren’t “normal,” try to remember how folks with normal brains flat envy the things that makes your diamond brain shine!
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