If you’re anything like me, you find the holidays season overwhelming. There are more expectations from others than usual (making time to see everyone, keeping up with small talk, attending parties, cleaning your house, etc.). The routine providing the structure that normal prevents you from becoming a total basket case is completely thrown out the window.
Every activity, it seems, requires planning, attention to detail, and/or working memory (making travel plans, packing, buying gifts, keeping track of when and where things are happening, and what to bring or cook for gatherings, etc.).
And then, with the decorations, lights, music, conversations, children shrieking, toys whose batteries have yet to mysteriously disappear, televisions playing, noisy crowds, congested road or pedestrian traffic, and the depth of every emotion in each person’s body language and tone, everywhere you go is practically an immediate sensory overload.
So, yeah. Not super easy for the ADHD brain. (Or anyone’s brain for that matter!)
Making a guide for all the things I listed above would end up being a book, so instead I’ve decided to take you along as I craft a plan for myself in regards to one aspect: visiting and staying with family.
Visiting and Staying with Family for the Holidays
I’m lucky that both my family and my husband’s family are people I genuinely look forward to seeing. They’re good people, down to earth, overall get along, and aren’t large or noisy groups. Still, I find there are things about staying at other people’s houses for the holidays which I find hard for my brain. The particulars will become obvious in the steps below.
STEP ONE: Do a mental pep talk.
I will have to set boundaries others might not understand. That’s okay and needing them doesn’t make me a bad person. I’m strong and can survive potentially being misunderstood.
I have to accept this time of year is hard for me. It would be nice if it weren’t, but it is. I can’t change that, but I can change the way I approach it.
I might start to feel bad my brain needs more than other people’s brains. I’ll need to show grace to myself.
It will be necessary to take care of myself even if I’m self-conscious about it.
I will have to set boundaries others might not understand. That’s okay and needing them doesn’t make me a bad person. I’m strong and can survive potentially being misunderstood.
STEP TWO: Determine my needs and if/how they might be jeopardized.
Need: Getting enough sleep (typically 8 hours; sometimes socializing wears me out more). How it could be jeopardized: Being around others who most likely do not have the same sleep schedule or sleep needs as me and not wanting to stand out.
Need: Eating at regular intervals to keep my blood sugar steady. How it could be jeopardized: Not everyone eats on the clock like me. Also it’s likely at some point we’ll have to wait for other family members to arrive, food to finish cooking, or an activity to finish before we eat.
Need: Drinking enough water. How it could be jeopardized: Me forgetting to drink it because it’s not in sight or easily accessible.
Need: A routine to give my chaotic mind something predictable to rely on. How it could be jeopardized: Being away from home and work and every day being different.
Need: Movement (sitting still too much results in my energy converting to anxiety and also makes it harder to fall asleep at night). How it could be jeopardized: Being around people who don’t need to move as much and are happy to sit and talk or watch TV/movies for hours (nothing wrong with that!).
Time to recharge (ALONE and in the QUIET). How it could be jeopardized: Feeling pressure to spend every waking hour with family because we don’t get to see them often and I’m afraid of losing time or coming off the wrong way by needing time alone. Or, getting time alone but not somewhere quiet.
STEP THREE: Brainstorm potential boundaries.
“I’m a person who really needs to get enough sleep or my brain gets thrown off. I’m going to go to bed now so I can fully show up tomorrow.”
“I get antsy if I don’t move for a while. Would anyone like to take a walk with me?” Or, “I’m going to the bedroom to do a yoga workout and get some energy out or else I won’t be able to sleep tonight.”]
“I need to be an introvert for a little bit so I can keep up my social momentum. I’m going to go upstairs and recharge for 30 minutes.”
STEP FOUR: Identify possible opportunities and resources.
Some examples include:
Not getting on my phone when I go to the restroom and instead doing my business in silence (Mini recharge session! I could even do a few stretches to get some movement in.)
Packing granola bars in my purse for whenever I feel my blood sugar dropping but know the next meal isn’t for a while.
Having my reusable water bottle with me everywhere I go and taking a certain number of sips every hour.
Creating short, temporary morning and bedtime rituals. It could be as simple as a stretching routine or cup of tea whenever I wake up and journaling for five minutes or doing a meditation before bed. The point is to have a least a little bit of consistency at the beginning and end of each day no matter where I am in order to make up for the lack of my normal routine.
Heading to bed a bit earlier than I technically need to so I can recharge.
Bringing noise canceling headphones for recharge time.
I’ve found fleshing out the details of what my brain might need and how to get it BEFORE I leave for the holidays is really helpful. Simply feeling prepared can reduce anxiety quite a bit.
If you find traveling hard for your wonky brain, how are you preparing?
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